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Dear diary, guess who i have a crush on.....
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[08 Oct 2005|07:29pm] |
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going friends only from now on...sorry..my life is starting to become too interesting! :P
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[08 Oct 2005|06:15pm] |
From this point my lj is friends only, cause everything became a bit more interesting!!:P
1.Your Full Name:
2. Age:
3. Favorite Color:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band:
7. Most Embarassing Moment:
8. Are you a virgin?
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Are we friends?
2. Do you have a crush on me/are you attracted to me?
3. Would you kiss me?
4. ...with tongue?
5. Would you enjoy it?
6. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I asked you?
7. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater?
8. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:
9. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
10. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?
11. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me?
12. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
13. Do you think I'm a good person?
14. Would you let me sleep with you (in the same bed)?
15.Do you think I'm hot?
16. Would you call me just because?
17. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they don't involve you?
18. If you could change anything about me, would you?
19.Would you have sex with me?
20.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
21. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
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[01 Oct 2005|05:23pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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I am confused. The last week has been so intense. Ida gone, i miss you so much already..Mother gone again, was nice to see her..and this special person (and no i don´t say his name, anyone who knows a good nickname please tell me!!) But Ida knows who i am talking about ;)..Last week has been weird with feelings..i am fighting, i don´t want to fall i love...i am confused..one part of me wants to stay and wait for what might happen..one part of me wants to make a run for it.. Talked about feelings, a lot..we both.. he is so special. Nobody ever came that close to me as Ingo did..and he menaged to do so. I know i am special to him. I know he likes me, i know he fights as well. Amazing, i don´t get bored..not after 5 days of seeing him every night. My mother met him, she really liked him (i knew that, when she makes a joke, he gives it straight back, she likes that)
What am i doing. i am so happy, so sad...and so afraid.......Words cannot describe it
Ingo, call me back like i asked..I NEED YOU NOW!!!...more then ever...........
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[14 Sep 2005|10:52pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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 | You scored as Disappear. Your death will be by disappearing, probably a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from. Always remeber that one guy who was hiking alone and got in a rock slide. He could have died, but he cut his own hand off to save himself. Don't end up like him (or worse, dead).
Disappear | | 80% | Gunshot | | 73% | Stabbed | | 73% | Bomb | | 67% | Suicide | | 67% | Cut Throat | | 60% | Accident | | 60% | Eaten | | 60% | Suffocated | | 53% | Disease | | 53% | Drowning | | 40% | Posion | | 33% | Natural Causes | | 13% | </td>
How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com |
I always knew it!!! well just in case..i will be in Treptow!!! so that you know :)
so tomorrow my doom, have to go to Fez with the children of my work..o dear o dear..lucky i can get along with my collegue..i just want to sleep home!!
Duncker monday was funny. Talked really nice again with this Filip (oh i am so bad in writing names, i never know!).. Of Course some people were eating each other again..we got our own porno show :)..ehm..actually :(..
Like to speak to him again, gave him my email, now just wait for the email..
Today i went with Ida and Wilco to this ost-punk exhibition but it was closed :(...so we went to saturn and bought some headphones for the dj gig. Don´t have money bu of course i had to buy a cd..Awake the machines 5 (limited edition) for just 7,99 (2cd´s)..pretty good..saw so much more cd´s i wanted to have..grrr..i want money..
Ida wants to take care of the cat since the two older people in the house don´t respond on my note written in spanish. I´m afraid that they don´t give food. thanks, what will i do without you??? :)
aw well, sleepy and going to bed..
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[14 Sep 2005|10:29pm] |
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[14 Sep 2005|10:21pm] |
komt allen
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[13 Sep 2005|05:11pm] |
The alphabet, stolen from publicharakiri
[A is for age:] 23
[B is for booze of choice:] havana club
[C is for career:] designer, social worker, forever student :)
[D is for your dad's name:] Freddie :)
[E is for essential items to bring to a party:] wine, wine, nice people, fun, wine and ehmm wine :)
[F is for favorite song at the moment:] Wouldn´t it be nice - beach boys
[G is for favorite game:] monopoly! money, money money...
[H is for hometown:] Berlin and Amsterdam (yes greedy, have two)
[I is for instruments you play:] keyboard (who doesn´t)
[J is for jam or jelly you like:] strawberry
[K is for kids?] Kids? are those the little stinky creatures i sometimes see walking over the street??
[L is for living arrangements:] one appartment in Amsterdam, one room in Berlin (greedy greedy greedy)
[M is for mom's name:] Marianne
[N is for name of your crush :] Berlin :) i date the city
[O is for overnight hospital stays:] when i was born...i believe
[P is for phobias:] spiders, sharks, children, marriage
[Q is for quotes you like:] live it, learn it, do it
[R is for relationship that lasted the longest] 2 years
[S is for sexual preference:] a guy with power, who plays hard to get, who doesn´t let me win (at least try) i need to fight and not fall asleep :)
[T is for time you wake up:] whenever the damned radio goes on
[U is for underwear:] use your imagination :P
[V is for vegetable you love:] sprouts cauliflower, pepper
[W is for worst habit:] tell people too much, trust in men (everytime again), having a bad influence on people with relationships...:( can´t help it...
[X is for x-rays you've had:] teeth, my teeth and my teeth
[Y is for yummy food you make:] mexican!!!!
[Z is for zodiac sign:] Scorpio
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[12 Sep 2005|08:52pm] |
he stays cute and makes my day happy!
http://joecartoon.atomfilms.com/pages/microgerbil/
what happened on this day in history??
1999 - North Korea agreed to stop testing its long-range ballistic missiles. In response, the United States eased sanctions against the Communist state.
2003 - Bombay police said they had shot to death a man suspected of masterminding twin bomb blasts Aug. 25 that killed 52 and injured more than 150.
1969 - Heavy bombing of Vietnam resumed under orders from President Nixon.
2002 - Three former leaders of Tyco International were indicted on charges of defrauding their company of millions of dollars.
1974 - Military officers deposed Emperor Haile Selassie from the Ethiopian throne he had occupied for more than half a century.
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[12 Sep 2005|08:29pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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yey pictures of our boat trip over the Spree!! http://www.goth-city.de/dampfer/
Saturday night was weird. I went with Caroline to the Insel. First i wanted to leave soon because i was tired. But i haven´t heard ebm and synth pop in a while and it was the apoptygma bezerk special (yes, i heard all the songs!). Finally danced. Later on we were standing on the terras and some american guy was waving at us. We went to the group of people and the funny thing was, everybody met that same night. We had some really good laughs with them (especially the hairy american man) There were also two guys from berlin (Lutz and Philip) and one from Canada (Sebastian), and a girl, i believe also from Berlin. well, i can say much but some weird things happened later that night.. Well, i just made fun, but i have been a very decent girl that night! I only have a bad influence on people. I found out that i like to flirt and doing nothing.. that´s more fun. I didn´t even gave my phonenumber away, just: yes, i might be in Duncker.. oh i love to be single and teasing men.. they deserve it! :P Another girlfriend of mine who was there (i can´t say her name here on the internet) has been pretty slutty with one of the guys.. goth, they almost ate each other.. wich was fun for me, Philip and Sebastian. Making jokes about the two people who were literally melted into each other. Bad thing was that we had to save the beer all the time, and i tell you, it´s not funn to go close to two people who are eating each other!
ah well, my grazy weekend ended that i was pretty irritated by the big rainfall. I was literally soaked when i came home.
but i do miss you my friend!Guess you became more important then i thought!
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| i wanna jump into the water!!! |
[10 Sep 2005|07:18pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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Just went on a boattrip ove the Spree together with Ida, Her sister and Wilco.. It was fun, being a real tourist..felt a little bit like on holliday! Glad we managed to do it.
In a hour Caroline comes and we are going to make Paella.. I have the fish already and everything. I wanted to make it for Frank, but when i came there he almost fainted by seeing the real mediteranean fishes..loser.. So gonna make fun with Caroline. After that we go to the Insel, probably my last time i think since i leave in 2-3 months and i haven´t been there for 3 months..ah well you never know.
Talked pretty long with my mum yesterday and at least i don´t kill every man i see now :) feel ok. Had some fun with Ida and Wilco at K17 yesterday. There was a die Ärtze party. went home early, was pretty tired..
ah well have to run!
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| oh god, why did you created this species???????? |
[09 Sep 2005|07:39pm] |
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mood |
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yes..about you........
The sun arises but you can't see
There is no touch that makes you feel
You trapped yourself inside and awful dream
You locked the door, and lost the key
True life, begins behind the border
That exists inside your head
You will never reach deep waters
And get away from there
Take a look around
And look at what you have
But you will never reach deep waters
If you do not change yourself
Are you afraid to lose your shelter
(don't be too shy to take the risk)
Are you afraid to lose your strength
(maybe there's something you might miss)
But things can only turn out better
(can you imagine what it is)
When your dream comes to an end...
Some men so needed to be voted off the planet. Some friend of mine who asks too much energy..I just don´t want to see, feel or hear you for some time. i´m tired!
And -xboyfriend who is doing pretty childish right now. Did hoped he would think clearly about everything after one month, thought to know him better. Still hope he is in the negative fase and will think about himself in some months..Guess i have been fooled. It has clearly been a waste of my voice when i explained everything (10 times) i must say.
mmmmm yes germany...some man is screaming ´Sieg Heil`outside...
see a man again!
some men so needed to be voted of the planet...
and i know you read this (one of the people i talk about)
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| men, you can better have chickens! |
[09 Sep 2005|01:01pm] |
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mood |
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 irritated |
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Oh men can make me so tired.. even when you are not in a relationship they still manage to make me soo tired! They shouldn´t try to think like women..their hormons get confused when they do! What multí-sexual society?? Goth! i need a coctail :P
Went to a movie yesterday with Ida, Land of the dead..well..if you have seen one zombie movie you have seen them all. i was only irritated by the zombie girl in red. She so needed to be voted off the screen!
Tuesday and wednesday. Really interesting.. i lost my voice. I lost it when i was talking to Barbara in Duncker. Well, first it was kinda funny. i never loose my voice and when i do it´s back within a few hours.. well this time it didn´t. It´s still not really back.
Have since wednesday night two old people living in my house. who don´t speak english, or german! Only spanish..ehmmmmmm...okay..
well almost weekend..hope this weekend is a little bit more interesting..
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| please......don´t kill me!!! |
[05 Sep 2005|12:37pm] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
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music |
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what??? no music??? nah!!!! |
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Lady´s and gentlemen...
I finally updated my website with some nice pics of my dutch friends... and with a new section of Berlin...
If you don´t hear anything from me anymore i will probably be killed by one of the people on these pictures..
It was nice to know you all...have a good life!
http://www.sarjanaa.nl
and i meant it so well........................it´s just a joke :)
Today in History - September 5th, 2005
1997 - Mother Teresa died at age 87.
1995 - France conducted an underground nuclear test at the Mururoa Atoll in the South Pacific. It was the first of several -- all of which were met by protests worldwide.
1996 - Ramzi Ahmed Yousef and two others were convicted in New York of planning to blow up jetliners.
2002 - An attempted assassination of Afghanistan President Harmid Karzai failed when a gunman missed him after opening fire on his car.
1978 - Egyptian President Anwar Sadat, Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin and President Carter began a Middle East peace conference at Camp David, Md.
Still waiting for that f*cking letter from Ingo.. i don´t know what his defination of: ´i write back soon, promise´ is..but we are not on the same line for once!
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[04 Sep 2005|05:12pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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some jazz or something |
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My message to the world today...
GO TO HELL!!!
so i´ve said that, now we can be nice again...
Another weekend that sucked. Fall asleep yesterday around 22.00 already..woke up at 3.. was to tired from work...feeling little bit sick again.
Friday, had a drink or something with Frank in the neighbourhood. But to be honest, it was boring..or i was bored, i don´t know..i´m never bored when i drink a coctail..ah well, must be me..
Yesterday night i had a dream about someone, i thought that i forgot about him (at least i tried) and i haven´t spoken with him for some months..it was a nice dream, woke up happy (besides the feeling of a little bit sick) ..hmm does that mean something?? ah well, emaild him, let´s find out!
Oh please let something happen..i´m sooo bored..my life sucks..feel like nothing can shock me or thrill me or make me entousiastic anymore....i think i´m looking for trouble again..bad side of me..ah well
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[01 Sep 2005|10:02pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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New Date: Mixed emotions Last Cathedral: 22 September... get your ass up there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
??? some dutch people sitting next to me..hehe can hear everything they are saying, or at least understand ;)
So feeling a little bit better now, only watched movies this weekend. Tuesday Frank called me and invited me for a movie, sin city. Interesting movie. Good filming.
Don´t know what to do next weekend, it sucks.. Missed the Cure, that sucks too. Hear everybody saying it was great...,that sucks too. Ah well, blame it on the kids :)
Saturday our next performance in Wedding, oh wanna be so drunk that night! Wanna scare a certain person off with my camera, getting him back for what he did to me.. shooting pictures of me when i look like shit..how do you dare! :P
pff that people over here....you shouldn´t trust anyone overhere! don´t talkm that loud..i´m not a stupid german ;)
stolen......
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[29 Aug 2005|09:29pm] |
decided to go to the Cure.....
...............Did i had to be sick this weekend???? Why?????? God damned´!!!
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[29 Aug 2005|09:16pm] |
playlist Last Cathedral : mixed emotions 25-8
Ida:
The Cure – The Kiss
... (??)
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – Do you love me?
Yvonne – Systematic
Siouxsie and the Banshees – Israel (von Nocturne)
Legendary Pink Dots – Maniac
Soft Cell – Heat
Myrna Loy – Lebetor
Einstürzende Neubauten – Interimsliebenden
Depeche Mode – Walking in my shoes
And Also the Trees – Maps in her wrists and arms
The Glove – Mouth to mouth
Bauhaus – Doubledare
Death in June – The Calling
Joy Division – Shadowplay
Massive Attack – Safe from Harm
The Cure – A forest (Birmingham ´85) *
Smashing Pumpkins – Stand inside your love
Sex Gang Children – Dying fall
Skeletal Family – The night
Vyllies – Seventh Heaven
Asha:
Massive Attack – Teardrop
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds –
Soft Cell – Tainted Love
Kirlian Camera – Eclipse
Cyme in Bloom – The Hallway
Cruxshadows – Marilyn my Bitterness
Die Form – Slave Sex *
Diary of Dreams – Exile (upgrade 03)
T.O.Y. – Welcome to Spaceradio
Colony 5 – Black
Namnambulu – Memories
Neurotic Fish – Prostitute
Covenant – Dead Stars
Soil & Eclipse – Bridges
Welle: Erdball: 1000 weisse Lilien
Diorama – HLA
Deine Lakeien – Into my arms
Ida:
The Chameleons – Don’t fall
Cancer Barrack Betreff –Beischlaf mit 60 Kg
Hackfleisch
DAF – Alle gegen Alle
Goethes Erben – Die Brut (2000)
Morrissey – Irish Blood, English Heart
Pink turns Blue – Master is calling
Siouxsie and the Banshees – Cascade
Sisters of Mercy – Amphetamine Logic
Die Haut – Parts Unknown (mit Lydia Lunch)
Last days of Jesus – Corrupted
The Cure – Shake dog shake
Iggy Pop – The Passenger
Current 93 – Hourglass *
Coil – Love’s secret domain
Einstürzende Neubauten – Feurio!
Laibach – Opus Die
Asha:
Joint Venture – Holland
Mallochia – Shiver
Nekromantic – Children go Bang
Clan of Xymox – A Day (new version)
Anne Clark – Sleeper in Metropolis
Sara Noxx – Colder & Colder
Fixer/McCarthy – Splitter
Nitzer Ebb – Murderous (Phil Kieran mix)
Feindflug – Leitbid *
Grendel – Pax Psychosis
Psychlon 9 - Clinik
Hocico – Where angels don’t sing*
Combichrist – Without emotions*
Xotox – *
Nena – Anyplace, anywhere, anytime
Ida:
Sisters of Mercy – Temple of Love *
Mona Mur – Hier im Nebel sind wir alle gleich
Joy Division – Ice age
Lydia Lunch mit Karl Blake – Suicide Ocean
Leonard Cohen – Everybody knows *
Sex Gang Children – Time of our lives
Swans – Eyes of nature
Cranes – Jewel
The Cure – 100 years
Legendary Pink Dots – Soft Toy
Engelsstaub – Faerieland * (by asha)
Corvus Corax – Platerspiel * (by asha)
Death in June – Little blue butterfly
Smashing Pumpkins – Ava Adore
The Creatures – Exterminating Angel
The Cure – Other Voices
Asha:
Predella Avant – Nr. 2
Gae Bolg – Gloria
Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio –
Forseti – Heilige Welt
D.C.D. – The ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove
Current 93 – How the great Satanic glory faded * (by
Ida)
Darkwood – Winter
Apoptygma Berzerk - love tranquility
Autumn Tears – The Never
Nick Cave – Death is not the end
Massive Attack – What your soul sings
Björk – Human Behaviour
N.O.D – The Girl and the Giant
* = request
forgot the playlist sometimes :/
Ida: where are the comments in my last set?? :P You know, to scare the people off??
Should have played Anton aus tirol..had it with me :)
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[23 Aug 2005|03:03pm] |
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mood |
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 naughty |
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music |
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this i really don´t want to know!!!! |
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thinking about cleaning up my friends list. Since i´m not on the internet everyday i have to go back 10 pages to see posts of really good friends...:(
So who´s life is sooo important that i´m not allowed to miss anything?? Tell me please! you have till next week! :P
still not know if i go the the Cure or not..i want to, i have to, i have the poster of the gig in my room but i also work that day...mmm damned..... maybe i should go in my working tshirt haha..well, i should make it..damned..why is everything in the same weekend!
ah well, life sucks some times ....:P
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[23 Aug 2005|01:52pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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music |
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i belive it´s ricky martin on the radio :/ |
] |
so yes i´m alive :)
Have to excuse myself for the people i told to come to Epicentre last time.. I had some problems..i wasn´t able to have fun. I almost didn´t came (and maybe that would have been a better idea). I´m really sorry. i will make up one time in the future, but i guess that won´t be in Epicentre tough.
For all the gossip-goths-people blabla: Yes it´s over between me and Maarten, and no, that is something between me and him, i won´t tell you the story. Also i won´t react nice towards jokes or maybe serious guestions as like: oh you are available again? Let me tell you that my whole body reacts strongly negative on the word relationship. Strange thing is that after the break up i have a lot of trouble with my Astma. Haven´t really had it for years but now i think i die sometimes!
Yes i have been heartbroken as well, who wouldn´t. Best thing to do is go on, and i have the luck of having such good friends around me here who actually care about me and having a job and study wich requiers a lot of work at the moment. And well, having a old and dirty house finally pays off i must say. I love to clean the house, hate the spiders tough.
So what did i do the last weeks?
It was lovely to see my parents again, in Holland and later on as well in Berlin. Lovely to see Brenda, as well in Holland and in Berlin the next week :)
And it was also lovely to see all other people i know from Holland (Mary, Rune, Hayo, Rudi and the rest). Still, the party is not what i´m used to anymore.. i like it that people (most of the time) don´t dress up this over done as in Holland.I must say, maybe it was my bad mood that night but the ´magic´of epicentre was gone.
And i really didn´t liked the way the city kicked my ass when i was there. Immediatly people walking over me, no waiting till the people walked out of the tram-metro. Some guys spitting on a group of girls and so on. Do love the houses tough and the atmosphere as long as it´s quiet. But while missing Amsterdam i never realised how much i began to love Berlin. When i came back with the bus, and saw the Fernseturm in the distance i thought: Ok, i´m home :).. strange.
aw well, if it´s ok i don´t tell about the week after that because that has been a nightmare and i dont want to give gossip people food :)..sorry, know i´m a bitch :P
Wished my parents stayed longer in Berlin but it was great to see them, and they actually starting to know how the s-u bahn works :P My dad gave me a really great gift. A pink mini ipod, to have something to instead of thinking about bad things :) wow. i must say, it works really great. Last night they were here it rained like hell and we went ´to a cocktail bar. My mum wanted to know what i usually drink so she took a Mojito as well, haha, she was a little bit faster than me :)
That same weekend i have been on a very beautifull party. It was in a citadel. Well in and outside. I went there with Frank and two girlfriends of him, Suzie and Sylvia..great girls :) Wilco was there as well. We had to go over a bridge into the citadel and outside as well as inside they played music. Outside there were some campfires. Inside was really crowded with some very interesting dark hallways. Well, i think i will never see something like that again. It´s once a year during the vampire festival because of the bats who are living there so i have heard. To bad it was pretty cold but we were lucky that it didn´t rained. One of the girls was really drunk and i never saw somebody so cute while being drunk.. picking the wrong car and being surprised that it doesn´t open :)
Last weekend i haven´t felt so well, got my flashback-depression again. Went out with Frank but i wasn´t really fun for him..i´m so sorry, next time i will stay at home. Friday the party was really boring. Location was nice tough but too small. But we did got a devil duck at the entrance, that was sweet. Saturday was trash cave. Also a pretty amazing area. Ida and Wilco were there as well. There was another area filled with old magazines of the 80´s and atari computer :) :) it went all the way to the top.. i wonder how many drunken people fell down the stairs over there :)
This week i have to work a lot. We have 3 performances this weekend. 2 on saturday. so we are practising a lot with the kids. i have to work outside on thursday again .. 2 weeks ago there were some idiots (kids) who were ruin everything and really unrespectfull towards us. We couldn´t do anything. Sandra wanted to leave but i told her that they would have one. Lucky somebody from another organisation came and the went away. We heard that they belonged to a gang, so we went away immediatly.. I hope they won´t be there next thursday, ich habe keine Lust mehr.
And and and..Ida and i will be dj´ng on thursday in Last Cathedral. we have to start at 19.00 :/ but io come a little later since i work till 19.00 nowadays. well, lets see if we play for more then 3 people :)
well i do think i survive overhere after all. lets keep my mind on my work and study and i will be fine. I just love my friends overhere (three times hurray for Ida, Caroline, Wilco and Frank) And ofcourse you too Heidi, it´s such a pity we didn´t saw each other anymore!. And i especially want to thank Brenda and Mary for being so nice to me in Holland! xxxx
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